When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize