we made out on top of his cat.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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