Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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