I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
