idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just googled if crying burns calories
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
