I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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