Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
