I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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