Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
