There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
