Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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