I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
