Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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