Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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