i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and she was petting her beer can
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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