I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
