They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
