i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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