You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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