I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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