Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
