I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
cat food counts as protein by the way
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
