walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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