yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do herpes really smell.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
