I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your dad touched me again.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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