Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
