she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
