Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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