When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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