Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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