we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
