I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
