The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
