Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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