I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
