I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
