my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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