thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize