i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
