You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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