i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's like iHOP with fire
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
