I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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