just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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