just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
