Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
