What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
