Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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