that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
