Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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