when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize