Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
