everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
