Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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