Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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