I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
