highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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