but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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