so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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