My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
