Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
