My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
