i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
