I cockslap morals
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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