Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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