no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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