you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I will pee on everything he values.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
