guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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