You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
