Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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