Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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