So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
