Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
