i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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