We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
