I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
